War Changes Everything
by CamillaChappers
Summary: Matthew returns from war with only one purpose in mind. One-shot Matthew & Mary.


_I couldn't resist doing another Matthew and Mary fic. This is not related to my other Downton fic! _

_Enjoy!_

**Disclamier - I do not own Downton Abbey or any of the characters *sigh***

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><p>Matthew had only been back from war a mere two hours but he was already walking up the driveway to Downton Abbey, the beautiful house looming in front of him. He was walking with one purpose in his mind – to speak to Mary – because he had found despite all that had happened, he could not stop thinking about her. He had left after the disastrous garden party, but only to enlist in the local army; he felt it was his duty to fight for his king and country. Mary's decision had also contributed to his choice to go fight, feeling that he had nothing to gain from being at Downton anymore. The only woman he had really ever had deep feelings for had disappeared from his grasp and in his anguish, he had hurried to the enlist office and signed up on the spot. His mother had pleaded with him to stay, begging him to at least think about what he was doing, but his mind was already firmly placed on the battlefields. Even Lord Grantham had asked him not to go, even saying he could get Matthew to be working with but he declined, stating that he felt he owed his duty to his country. He became so enthralled in going to war that he did not speak to Mary once before he left, only seeing her fleetingly as he walked down the drive at Downton for the last time. He had glanced back, seeing her watching him from one of the many windows and he could have thought she was <em>crying.<em> Nevertheless, Matthew had curtly nodded before continuing his journey.

And yet, all of the times he would be running out into the battlefield, ready to kill someone he didn't even know, he always thought of her. The last image of her struck out in his mind and he began to regret immensely leaving her as he did, not even with a goodbye. It was only when he would see his fellow men reading letters from their loved ones, their wives and fiancées back home that he realised he could not live without Mary. Despite her sometimes cold exterior, he found she thawed him inside. He was drawn to her like a moth drawn to a flame; he simply would not stop loving her despite all of his attempts. He then found himself desperate to make it home, to survive, to live for _her. _He felt so much relief and elation when word was given about the end of the war – he whooped and cheered with all of the other men as their living hell was over, they had lived! Together with the other local men of Downton, he had travelled on the train waiting to arrive back to home sweet home and now he was here, walking up to the house.

In front of him, he saw many soldiers who hadn't been as lucky as him – he had escaped the war relatively injury-free apart from a scar running down his left cheek. He thought nothing of it; in front of him, he saw men with bandages covering their eyes, blood streaked. He saw some men who had their arms in slings, he saw others hobbling. He shuddered briefly at the sight of it all, silently thanking God for letting him return safely. He looked around, seeking the one person he wanted, _needed _to talk to when Anna, the head housemaid noticed him.

"Mister Crawley?" She said, shocked at his return but quickly remembering her place. Matthew smiled back, bowing his head slightly.

"Good morning. I was wondering if you could help me…" He trailed off, again searching the many faces for the one he sought, "Could you tell me where Lady Mary is?"

Anna smiled, as if she knew why Matthew was here, as if she knew a little secret of her own. She glanced beyond Matthew's shoulder, where Matthew followed.

"She's in the garden Mister Crawley."

Nodding a thanks, he set off, now knowing where she would be. The place where he knew Mary would find peace and solidarity. And sure enough, there she was – sitting peacefully on the bench looking out across the grounds sat Mary. She seemed oblivious to Matthew there, as if she was completely ignoring the world and in her own. He stopped a short distance behind her, and muttered softly.

"Hello Mary."

Mary turned round and shot up startled as she recognized the voice, and her eyes widened with shock. He had missed those dark chocolate eyes, and he scanned her features, still as beautiful as the day he had left. Her deliciously red lips had parted in a surprised manner and his gaze was currently locked with hers – bright blue with chocolate brown. He swallowed as he moved slightly as Mary recovered her initial shock and found her voice.

"Matthew! Wh..When did you come back?" She asked – oh how had he missed her voice! To him, her voice was like velvet.

"About two hours ago. I went home to Mother first," He said, moving closer still but not breaking eye contact with her. Mary nodded slowly, reaching to fiddle with her necklace as she had done when he'd proposed.

"Of course. Have you seen Papa yet?" She asked shakily, as Matthew shook his head, his strawberry blond locks flowing effortless. He looked a sight, he admitted to himself; his hair was now a little longer than before and he had made no attempt to sort into his usual style. He hadn't shaved in a couple of days (he was dying for a proper shave with hot, soapy water) so he had a stumble to accompany his scruffy looking hair – not that he cared much. He had left Crawley House in such a haste to see Mary once more that he had not bother about making himself presentable, nor had he changed out of his dusty army uniform.

"No," He replied, breaking his gaze from her to look down at his feet, finding them interesting as nerves began to seep into his mind, "I have not yet, I haven't seen any of your family in fact," He swallowed nervously, "I had to see you first Mary."

He looked up then, again meeting her eyes which he found were a picture of confusion.

"Why Matthew? I treated you horribly before you went, I do not deserve your time," She sighed, almost as if she was conceding to defeat. Matthew again shook his head, as he saw small tears were tumbling out of Mary's eyes. She moved hastily to wipe them away, as she turned round with her back to him.

"I do not deserve to even be friends with you Matthew. I've been nothing more than a fool," She sighed once more, as Matthew drew a deep breath. He could not let her go, he simply wouldn't.

"Yes it did hurt an awful lot Mary, I shall not deny it. But that is the past, it doesn't matter anymore" Mary turned as she made to protest but Matthew held up a hand to cut her off. "This war has made me see this life in a whole new light, that you can never take anything for granted, that you can never let any disagreement effect you for life."

Mary nodded her head slowly, understanding what he meant.

"I am so humbly sorry Matthew." Matthew nodded, taking a small step closer to her so now he was only centimetres away.

"The only question I beg to ask on the subject is why the answer you gave me?" Mary threw back her head, sighing as more tears fell, "Why that answer when I know you felt the same?" Matthew glanced at her as she shakily brought a hand to cover her mouth – he would tell something was being hidden from him.

"I-I…It wasn't a case of I did not care about you Matthew – in fact quite the opposite. It was because I cared for you too much…As I still do," Matthew's eyes snapped up to meet hers, expecting to see nothing but all he saw in her gaze was genuine care – he could not believe it.

"If I could turn back time Matthew, I would not have been such a fool. I would have accepted in a heart-beat," She said as a small sob broke from her, ragged and full of emotion. Matthew began to feel emotions stir within him – confusion, sadness, _love._

"Mary I beg of you, please do not toy with me!" He said, pleading with her as he gazed at her tear-streaked face, her beautiful brown eyes displaying such sadness, "I cannot take any more heart-break, I do not wish to speak of that time anymore." He finished, his breathing had some-what grown heavier as his words dripped with emotion. Mary nodded slowly, turning to move away from Matthew.

"I understand Matthew. I understand that things can never be the same, and I regret that. I'm sorry," She turned away with a sob, starting to walk away before Matthew's brain kicked into action. He couldn't let her walk away – his arm reached out grasping her elbow as he spun her back round to face him. She looked shocked as she begin to question but was cut off as Matthew brought his lips crashing onto her's. He forcefully pressed his lips to her's, tasting salt from her tears but noticing how soft they were, as soft as they had been before. He summoned all of the passion he had within him into the kiss, pouring his love into it and his heart pounded as he felt her lips slowly move against his, kissing him back. The kiss began to grow more passionate as Matthew brought a hand around to the small of her back, drawing her closer to him. She emitted a little whimper into his mouth and he smiled slightly, as he brought his other hand up to caress her silky soft skin. Her hands wound their way into his hair, playing with his strands, wounding their way fiercely as she grabbed onto him. Eventually, lack of oxygen drove them apart, but he still maintained his grip on her. Mary looked up at him, her lips slightly swollen and even redder than before, whilst Matthew was sure his hair looked even scruffier than before. Matthew quickly drew a breath, getting some of the oxygen back.

"I meant by I do not wish to speak of that because I want to move on from it Mary. It does not mean I do not care for you," He smiled, as he brushed her cheek with his fingers, "Despite everything, I find myself not able to stop my deep feelings for you. In fact, my love for you is so very dear Mary," He said smiling softly, brushing away the small tears that fell from her brown eyes.

"But Matthew, there are things about me you must know-" He cut Mary off once more by placing a finger to her lips, staring deep into her eyes.

"One day my dear, we shall tell one another of what we wish to tell. But for now, please do not take this away from me for I cannot live another moment with you." He found Mary smiling softly at him, biting her lip nervously as he gently let his hand fall from her face and reached out to grasp her hand, stroking it lovingly. "If you care as much as I care for you, then let the past go. Let's make a new start."

Mary nodded, her hand reaching up caress his cheek. Her hand hovered cautiously over his scar, but then she pressed her cool fingers to it, stroking it as Matthew locked his gaze with hers.

"Oh I do very much my dear Matthew."

"Then please, marry me." He almost whispered. Mary let her face drawn herself to a broad smile and Matthew felt his smile grow even wider as she uttered the one word he wanted to hear.

"Yes," As she pulled the lapel of his jacket towards him and kissed him with all of the passion she knew; Matthew gladly complying.


End file.
